so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
