Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
