Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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