Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
