im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
