I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. đ
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have âdaddy issuesâ. Fuck all of you.
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