We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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