i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He better not be in your backpack
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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