I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
