You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
