I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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