can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
