1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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