Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize