Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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