apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
