Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
