a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Fuck appropriateness.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
