It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Even my vagina gasped.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize