Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
