you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
