Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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