a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
