actually, I'm a sock model
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
