I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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