on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
