Whod you bang
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
