my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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