I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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