On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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