I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
