I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
