you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize