I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
