You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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