I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
