omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
