Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
