32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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