Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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