Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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