he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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