Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
