i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
