I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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