shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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