i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
