Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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