WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
