so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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