Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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