Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
