Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
