What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mom said you looked used
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
