Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
