What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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