I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
