We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
