Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
