That's intense
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
