I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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