You really coming over, don't trick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
