Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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