I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
