he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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