if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize