ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
