i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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