He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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