Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
