Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize