Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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